Selfishness In Relationships: How Much Room Is It For This Disease?

In my opinion, as humans, our greatest longings are the needs for connection with others and the opposite needs for space and individuality. These two needs can somtime work in conflict with each other. The need for connection forces us to have the desire to develop relationships with other individuals in the forms of friendships, significant others, spouses, etc. The need for space and individuality sometimes creates narcissism/selfishness with these same relationships. This can really cause "drama" in your relationships. What a setup for problems?!!

There is an ever increasing number of breakups in relationships & marriages as a result of the role and amount of selfishness that had found its way in. According to Merriam-Webster, selfishness is defined as a few different things:

1. concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; pleasure or well-being without a regard for others

2. arising from concern with one's welfare or advantage in disregard of others

3. being genetic material solely concerned with its own replication

In all three definiitions, the common theme is being concern solely with oneself. In retrospect, a relationship can be defined as a state of relating, kinship, etc with two or more individuals. Simply looking at the two definitions, selfishness and relationship, you can even see that these two definitions are in contradiction to each other.

Selfishness can manifest itself many different ways in a relationship. It can be something as simple as forgetting to call if you're coming home later than usual, to not inviting your significant other to a gathering, to having an affair with another person. If you are working at a relationship daily then your first and foremost concern should be the other person. Consider their feelings, or what kind of food they like. Since we as human beings are naturally selfish it will take some work to get past that. However, it can be done.

So, in my opinion, the more love one has in their heart, the less room one has to be selfish. The less love one has in their heart, the more room there is for selfishness. This goes the same with relationships. Relationships that have lots of love in the foundation are the ones that have less room for selfishness and vice versa. Just as the Bible defines love, I'd like to show what God has said through the Apostle Paul about love: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If one works towards this type of love in all of their relationships, then there would not be much room for selfishness. However, I do know this is easier said than done, but with the right attitude and faith, one can easily break this chain/bondage of selfishness.

Fighting Racial Profiling: An Occurance & Examination

This blog will be a venting session of something that I witnessed first-hand last week. This is NOT another punching bout against the majority culture of our country. However, this IS a challenge to all, both those of the majority and minority cultures, to take a more active and responsible approach to making our cities, states, and country, a more welcoming environment for ALL individuals regardless of how they look. Racial profiling is not restricted to only being done by the majority so, this is why I opened this blog up as such to help with understanding that anyone can perpetuate racial profiling. The next paragraph will briefly explain what I encountered on last week.

As I was leaving my office one day last week, a Middle Eastern middle age male, was outside of my office almost in tears. He stated that the police at an academic building on campus had racially profiled him. The man stated that he had a daughter who attended the university and often drive her up for classes from Lawrenceville, GA, which is approximately 45 minutes away. Since the beginning of the school year, he drives his daughter up and walks around the campus and around the building his daughter takes classes. According to him, he was merely sitting outside of the building on a bench when the police drove up and questioned him about being near the building. They identified the man, then drafted documentation barring him from being within 90 ft. from the building for 90 days. The police stated that they had received a call from someone in the building about him loitering around the building. Again, the man was in tears and wanted to know how I could help him, as he merely wanted to know a place where he could wait until his daughter finish with classes. I suggested that he try waiting in the library as this could pose a less threatening act to the campus community.

In my previous blog entitled Christianity & Islam: Are We Heading To Another Crusades?, I examine briefly the relations of between Christianity & Islam, however, this fear that I refer to of supersedes religious warfare. Since September 11, 2001, so many Americans have feared another terror attack. The focus of this fear has been against Muslims, particularly those with any ethnic visible traits people in Middle Eastern countries. Many Muslim in America have been hated and even kicked out of stores, etc. Why is it that people assume that all Muslims are Terrorists or “anti-American?” This assumption and fear makes Americans group anyone that looks as if they have any ties to Islam or Middle Eastern countries with the terrorists and extremists who were responsible for the attack in New York. Given that we are, naturally, creatures who like to categorize everything to help our minds make sense of the world, a lot of these assumptions are simply in result of our minds simply trying to process and make sense of our society. However, we must continue and always challenge this thinking to help educate the greater community that all people with Middle Eastern decent are not terrorist and not even Muslims, not all Hispanics are illegal immigrants, not all Blacks are thugs, lazy, athletes, or any of the other stereotypes that comes with these ethnicities.

Police typically don’t feel as if they are being wrong in profiling individuals after all, they are merely trying to keep our neighborhoods safe. However, according to Harcourt (2006), racial profiling is ineffective because it assumes that terrorists are not going to adapt to changing circumstances, and, as a result, putting the police one step behind. Now according to this source, they are referring to using profiling as a counterterrorism approach. However, this can be applied to any racial profiling situation. For example, the police can’t assume that every Hispanic is an illegal immigrant because if that’s the case, then those from other countries could “dress” themselves as a citizen when they themselves are illegal.



Harcourt, Bernard E. 2006, Muslim Profiles Post 9/11: Is Racial Profiling an Effective Counterterrorist Measure and Does It Violate the Right to be Free from Discrimination? The Chicago Working Paper Series. http://www.law.uchicago.edu/Lawecon/index.html

How Has Hip Hop & Rap Influenced Society Today?

It’s obvious that Hip Hop has been a significant influence in today’s society. Hip hop has managed to shape thinking, crossed cultural barriers, and have been considered, by some, to be a lifestyle and not just a music genre. Hip Hop has been a “movement” in today’s society. Although all of this is true about hip hop, there is still controversy on whether hip hop, as a whole, has effected society more positively or negatively. This blog will try to present both arguments of hip hop and allow YOU, as a reader to provide your comments about which you feel more about.

According to hiphop-history.com, the culture/lifestyle started in the late 1960’s and the Official Birthday of Hip Hop is November 12, 1974. Most current rap/hip hop listeners didn’t know that this culture/genre/lifestyle started at such an early time. Also according to hiphop-history.com, hip hop music was first introduced in the Bronx located in New York City by a Jamaican DJ, named Clive Campbell a.k.a. “Kool Herc”. Hip hop music and rap are two inseparable terms. The word “rap” derived in the 1960’s, from a slang word that basically meant conversation. Rap was speaking up rhythmically in rhymes with style and is generally along with beats. Rap currently represents the recording aspects of hip hop. According to an article called Hip Hop: Negative Effects on Today’s Youth on bookrags.com, hip hop branched off into “rap” near the end of the 1970’s.

On the negative side, hip hop and rap is believed to have caused a generation of young adults to be more violent, abuse drugs, and be more sexually promiscuous. Hip hop & Rap music contains some violent lyrics and can be interpreted as endorsing violent and illegal behavior in order to get material things such as gold and/or platinum chains, expensive cars and clothes.

Positively, according to ehow.com in an article entitled Positive Effects of Hip Hop Music, violence, drugs, and mysogyny is only a small portion of hip hop and suggests that there are many positive effects hip hop provides to its listeners. The article also suggests that hip hop promotes critical thinking, political awareness, and have the ability to provide role models(can be good) for youth. Since hip hop/rap is such a pop culture phenomenom, then it has the ability to affect the most change in the young generation.

In my opinion, there is no doubt that hip hop has its negative and positive contributions to society. Just as anything, parents and others have to be selective in what type of music we're allowing the youth to listen to. Just as there is bad hip hop/rap, there's also bad music in ALL other genres. Hip Hop does indeed expresses a lifesyle of many African Americans and currently, even others outside of the African American culture.

How do you see it influencing society?

College Athletes: Paid or Played?

As we embark on this 2010 College Football season, I can’t help but reflect on my college football experience as a college football player at Mississippi Valley State University, a Division 1-AA Historically Black College & University in the heart of the Mississippi Delta.

I can remember the rigorous schedule that I had to keep with maintaining both my academic and athletic schedules. This schedule consisted of early morning classes until, at the latest, 2pm and, from 3pm until 6pm being in football practice and meetings. After dinner, there would be either study hall, or more meetings and afterwards, it was time to start preparing for the next day. Although I was a student who always wanted to be involved in campus life, it was often very difficult to be involved in other student organizations outside of the classroom and off the football field.

My college experience at Mississippi Valley State University is certainly different than more high profile athletic programs such as Ohio State University, University of Georgia, University of Florida, University of Southern California, etc. These athletes not only have to manage a rigorous schedule, they also have to be able to deal with a heightened profile in which they are now role models to many youth, in the light of every press/media outlet near and far, etc.

Over the past several years, there have been some debate on whether college athletes, especially the athletes from these high profile programs, should be paid other than the form of scholarships, etc. According to Rod Gilmore of Espn.com, he feels that at one time, college football was consistent with the mission of a university to educate and provide for the well-being of its student body. However, college football is no longer very different from NFL. He feels as if college football is a part of the entertainment industry. Adam Powell, of the Blue & White Flash, the official student newspaper at Jackson State University, feels that paying student athletes (cognizant of the word student before athlete) would also ruin the greatest part of college athletics, which is its tradition and innocence.

In contrast, according to allsands.com, college athletes have traditionally been prohibited from taking on outside employment, and although the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) has recently begun to allow scholarship athletes to take part-time jobs during the school year, the fact remains the majority of college athletes have severely restricted earning potential during their college career. Some also argue that college athletics, particularly at large and more successful programs, generate large amounts of revenue. Although coaches at these successful programs receive, sometimes, million dollar contracts, players, who are putting themselves at more risk, aren’t able to receive any earnings from their consistent sacrifice from being a traditional college student.

So, the debate continues on which prospective holds more valid on whether college athletes should share in the large revenue generating business or should they simply be contributors to this growing industry?

School Season: Going 'Off' To College. How To Prepare?

As we enter the month of August, stores began to announce sales, salesmen and sales women get excited, recently graduated college bound high school seniors get excited, and parents are stuck in the middle of all of this. “Going off to college” is a pretty significant time in the life of students. Believe it or not, just as this is significant to the student, it can also be just as significant to parents. Although there are things that needs to be known as one prepares for college, such as financial aid, things to buy, etc., this blog will examine the theoretical developmental approach of preparing for college.

Anxiety, fear, and excitement, typically comes over students in anticipation of what the college experience will be for them. Students often view college as a collegial atmosphere where lots of students go to start preparation for getting a good paying job. In reality, however, college is a time where students are developing and figuring out who they are. In 1969, Arthur Chickering found that successful students are able to achieve a sense of competence, learn to manage emotions, develop autonomy, establish one’s identity and interact with others. So, with this, students will be going through lots of changes throughout their time in college. Also, college is a time where students are more susceptible to mental health issues as they could possibly suffer from depression and homesickness. Other issues that students may face is roommate conflicts, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority due to the discrepancy between high school grades and status and college performance, value conflicts, increased sexual pressures, and financial adjustments. Although all of this sounds quite frightening, there are quite a few positive things about the college experience. Students often meet lifelong friends, spouses, future employer/employees and other great network of individuals that will be an integral part of the students’ development. Again, even with those conflicts mentioned above, it is very important for students to go through these situations as it often helps to develop their sense of identity. Therefore, it’s not always bad if there is a slight roommate conflict or other peer pressures.

Just as students deal with the fear and anxiety of going off to college, parents deal with these emotions as they are watching their child “leave the nest”. Melissa Kenzig, certified health education expert from Columbia University stated, “It’s about walking that fine line between helping your kids and at the same time letting them grow as adults.” Most parents want to let go, but are scared they haven’t prepared their kids well enough to handle the issues that were mentioned above.

Again, college can be an overwhelming experience for both students and parents. However, overall, this experience and time in the students’ life is vitally important. Students have to address these issues that occur. Also, parents have to trust how they’ve raised there children and walk that fine line between being helpful to their children and being a handicap as it relates to their development.

Being Religious vs. Being Spiritual: Is There A Significant Difference?

Spirituality has really come into the scene in contemporary terms for the "Western World". In the western world, there has become a broader view of spirituality. Religious individuals feel that spirituality is a part of their religious practice although spirituality has become more and more detached from religious practices and become more secular in nature. What is meant by spiritual secularism is a spiritual outlook that is more personalized, less structured, and more open to new influences.

Religious Fundamentalists feels as if there is a huge misunderstanding with what "being religious" really mean. These fundamentalists reflect on the meaning of religion/religious in scriptures which is a positive state of mind that results in genuine devotion to God. Therefore, acts of mercy, love, and holiness, are religious. This is not far removed from the term spiritual, which refers to those acts from the spirit, instead of the flesh. They also feel that if you are spiritual, then, naturally, you would be religious. According to Robert Johnson of the Gospel Gazette, whether in worship or service, religion and spiritual are complimentary terms, as we are "living sacrifices" (religious) who are not conformed to the world but transformed by the will of God (spiritual - Romans 12:1-2).

On the other hand, those with the trendy phrase, "I'm spiritual but not religious" feel that they don't need an organized religion to live a life of faith. The solely spiritual beings feel that religion practices a faith of the past instead of focusing on the present. They feel to attain liberation we need to live in the present. It is not the past or the future that gives us liberation. We achieve peace of mind only when we concentrate on doing the right thing here and now. The spiritual beings also feel that religion practices a faith of fear in that you do the right thing in fear of suffering in the future instead of approaching God in the path of love, that is doing the right thing because you love God.

From my research and conversations with individuals who consider themselves both religious fundamentalists and those who feel that they are not religious but simply spiritual, these are the contrasting opinions of the two groups. With this, I feel that people's religious practices is sacred and based on their relationship with God. I believe that everyone must have their own relationship with God and that you cannot be saved by your mother's, father's, or even your pastor's faith. Therefore, you must know what God means to you as an individual. Religion is what we practice and spirituality is what we believe.

We practice our faith based on what we believe, so is there a significant difference?

How Far Should Universities Go To Rewrite Their History In The Spirit of Inclusivity?

“Diversity” has been a buzzword for today’s higher education system. Most colleges & universities like to boast on the diversity of their student body. Also, with this comes lots of education and initiatives to create inclusive environments and reduce marginalization of any particular culture. These intiatives have included changes to songs, mascots, and have gone as far as changing names of buildings who are named after salient members of the schools’ history due to affiliations of that member. Recent examples include North Dakota State Fight Sioux mascot change and the University of Mississippi Rebels mascot change. Most recently, there has been discussion about changing the name of a residence hall at the University of Texas, Austin.

The University of North Dakota debated whether the mascot, Fighting Sioux, was racially insensitive to Native Americans in our country. Some believe that this mascot insinuates a sense of disrespect to the Native American culture. On the other hand, some believe that they are taking inclusivity too far because there is no controversy over mascots such as the Fighting Irish, Vikings, etc.

A similar controversy occurred in the South with the mascot, Colonel Reb, at the University of Mississippi who simulates a plantation owner/confederate soldier. Colonel Reb was forced into retirement in 2003, students were no longer allowed to chant the phrase “the South will rise again” after the school song. The crowd favorite, Dixie, was prohibited from play by the band.

In recent news, the University of Texas at Austin is dealing with a controversy over the name of a residence hall on campus. One of their residence halls is currently named after William Stewart Simkins, who taught at The University of Texas at Austin School of Law from 1899 until his death in 1929 but, who also was known for his ties to the Klu Klux Klan after the Civil War. This part of Simkins’ history was recently published in an article in Social Science Research Network by former UT Austin faculty member, Thomas Russell. In this article, Thomas Russell suggests that in 1954, the Faculty Council and the Board of Regents of Texas decided to name the residence hall after Simkins to snub Brown vs. Board of Education, thereby intimidating Blacks from attending and residing on campus. Since this publication, and to the credit of UT Austin, the university has been deliberant in making attempts to ensure inclusivity on campus.

Nevertheless, this country has to deal with the harsh sin of slavery. However, in the spirit of “inclusivity”, lots of debate is taking place around changes in our history, naming of buildings, mascots, and other things. One has to be able to realize how far colleges, universities, and scholars should go to right wrongs of this country’s history.

So, with that being said, “How Far Should Universities Go To Rewrite History In An Effort Of Being Inclusive?